Introduction


Presented in reverse chronology, this history stretches from the present back to the Fellowship's 1970 founding, and beyond.
(See "Blog Archive" in the sidebar below.) It draws from many sources, including The Fellowship of Friends - Living Presence Discussion, the Internet Archive, the former Fellowship of Friends wiki project, cult education and awareness sites, news archives, and from the editor's own 13-year experience in the Fellowship.

The portrait that emerges stands in stark contrast to sanitized versions presented on the Fellowship's array of
alluring websites, and on derivative sites created by Burton's now-estranged
disciple, Asaf Braverman.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Kiran Schmidt and the deaths of Fellowship members in Egypt

[ed. - Three Fellowship of Friends members, Ulrich "Kiran" Schmidt, Marianne "Cassandra" Schmidt, and Daniela Voss were in Egypt, apparently laying the groundwork for a new Fellowship center, when all three were involved in an auto accident. Cassandra and Daniella died, while Kiran was severely injured. It is alleged that while Kiran was "in a coma," Fellowship lawyer Abraham Goldman attempted to have him sign over assets to the Fellowship. The following are Kiran's reflections upon that event and others that followed, eventually leading to his dismissal from the Fellowship. Kiran appears to have embarked upon his own "cult of personality." This post is placed in the timeline approximately when Kiran was recovering from injuries sustained.]

"Kiran" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, March 2, 2007:
Waking-up is not a group experience

Walking in a sugar cane field at night in the Fiji islands some thoughts were coming to me that maybe some of you find useful. (See pictures here: http://www.energy-medicine.info/kiran.html)

As you can imagine I am still in a process of transforming all the things that happened to me in the last 16 month, starting with the death of my dear Cassandra and Daniela, my own time of being two weeks in a coma and then waking up in one of the strangest third world hospitals that had not even hot water,

Being received back in Oregon House by hundreds of Jack and Queen of hearts that did not have a clue how to deal with this shock. Being given a three month medical leave of absence because I informed RB about the sexual escapades of one of his main female supporters. Loosing the connection with my parents and sister because they found that I was following what they called a “sex guru”. Then being cheated by students who I had trusted so much to put them in charge of my business when moving to Egypt and finally being asked to leave the school because I did not want to accept a jacket from RB. [A reference to his declining a gift - a "hand-me-down" - from Robert Burton.]


So some judge without ever having talked to me since then that my actions show that I either have a brain damage, am negative, depressed, aggressive, crazy or simply put in work language “completely in the grips of the King of Clubs”. For some who do not just want to believe their thoughts I can offer to talk to me or see how much the pictures of the recent month on this site, support this believe.

Of course a lot has changed in my psychology, after facing death so intensely and certainly orchestrated by the gods I have lost most or all naivety, I am not afraid anymore of anything, I have no tolerance for feminine dominance and I live my life now with an intensity that is aware in every moment that it can be over very quickly.

What looked profound and with much authority in RB’s actions looks rather shallow from this new perspective and, even more so, that of most of his inner circle. It is apparent now that people like Rowena [Rowena Taylor], Kevin [Kevin Brown], Gernot [Gernot Mueller], Eaton [Diana Kay Eaton?], Linda [Linda Kaplan], Mark [Mark Lasken] are increasingly becoming caricatures of “dedicated followers” that get their identity from sitting in the first row and getting some attention from RB.

So one of the questions that is coming to my mind is ‘Why is RB surrounding himself with those kind of people who have a particularly weak Self, so that they need to to enhance it with this greed for their teachers attention?'

I am, as I said many times, not in favor of for example Girard’s [Girard Haven] interpretations that explain everything that I do not like on RB with some of his mechanical weaknesses. I know he is a conscious being what I understand as “being a perfect tool of the gods”. But different than what a Christian and feminine dominance program would make you believe, the role of such a divine tool is not “to be followed without it thinking” but to be an oracle that leads those who want to learn to their own Self.

Now what most student understand by “to learn” and “to follow” is what usually is expected in a kinder garden “learning by heart” and “following by simple repetition”. Of course even in university teachers expect a very different understanding and practice of “learning” and how much more would this differ in an advanced school for spiritual awakening.

But just look at the last event that after every “good student” had dropped their better understanding that things did not start in Egypt but much earlier, if you even wanted to talk of “beginning”. But as soon as they had become good in repeating this new understanding from the divine mouth of their teacher like sheep, he revealed a new and even more profound understanding “that it all did begin in Prehistoric time”.

The gods have their own laws to obey, the tool they are using to teach has always some very definite limitations which are for example described in the "Theory of mechanics”. A Krisnamurti had to act and be limited by his Lunar body type, a Bhagwan Rajneesh had to teach within the limitations of a Jovial. RB has to be understood as a Saturn, Jack of Diamonds with a very limited formal education and coming from a very simple family.

Now again it is not up to me to decide and discriminate, like Girard does, what are divine actions coming form his higher centers and which is just mechanical weaknesses. For me this way of dealing with the contradictions is simply a buffer and based on the usual concept that one knows better. However also the other alternative to “blindly follow and repeat everything’ as practiced by most is leading nowhere.

And the soul inhabiting the role of RB has the same challenge not to “believe his own actions”, particularly now that the gods, after many years of building many very successful decisions into RB’s play, apparently made him make one “mistake” after another. But as RB often said “The gods do not miss and they are not under the law of accident’, so mistakes do not exist for the gods only we can miss the point. And as always the point here is to disentangle ones identity form external events, from believe in success and failure, form ones believe in a teacher or a student.

So the way out is to be courageous and trying to “Be oneself” and this is usually not a result of thinking but of “resisting to be in imagination” about how things really are. And it is exactly this state of contradiction that the gods want to promote when they designed the role of any real teacher.

One of the more profound statements of G. was that : “If things could have been done in another way they would have been done in another way”. Looking for faults, blaming, explaining and comparing is the usual way our of this uncomfortable state of contradiction. However it is exactly the tension of this contradiction that like the tension of electric voltage will eventually make it possible to jump the gap.

For that reason awakening has never been a group emotion, because it is exactly the essential features of being “part of a group” that are making life comfortable and easy. On the contrary many of the tensions that one is exposed to without the protection of a group, one can only endure when one has is awake.

I do not think that ever two people awakened in the same group, O had to leave G, RC had to loose O, RB had to leave AH. Mohamed even had to kill his own brethren and he formed the phrase “The prophet is not valued among his own people.”

So for many of us its time now to leave the nest like the Argonauts or the Apostles and teach not what we learned but what we have become in our own form from our own connection with the gods.

"Kiran" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, March 5, 2007:
Walking in Melbourne this morning I saw a new bestselling book in one of the stores “The delusion of God” which triggered me to respond to “Reality check’s” interpretation (post 123) of my post 31.

As one can already see from your handle, you believe in a “common reality” that anyone can check, if he is interested in doing so.

Now this is an old and common illusion that there exists a common Reality that is accessible to anyone independent of their level of being.

Since the dramatic events 16 month ago my “Reality” has changed and I experience the gods, as you hopefully experience your human friends, as doubtless reality, and I believe for RB it is the same. As a result I attract followers and also a lot of money.

Do I need either of them? NO, because my world has been filled with a certainty and satisfaction that I can only call divine in lack of a better world. Do I think somebody should follow me? Yes, I think I have been given a connection, that has the purpose of bringing guidance to some people who do not follow the most common illusion that they can find THE way on their own.

Now the difference I hope, I am given to make, to the style that RB was teaching, is in that I will always put attention to the fact that people should not follow “like sheep”. I will make clear that “Only because I think it is right, that should not be the only reason that it has to be followed”. Do I think I will be able to avoid that some will do it that way ? No because it is the nature of certain levels of being that this will happen no matter how much a teacher has the skills to make this difficult to happen.

The fourth way and Advaita have the most important principle in common “One cannot do” and the moment you leave either of these ways this is the first thing people forget. Like most here on this site and they return to the illusion that they can “take their own life into their own hands”. Of course the basic contradiction is that “One cannot do but something one has to do at any moment in time”. There is no way out of this contradiction but to raise above the illusion “That one is doing”. Once this attitude has become deeply enough implanted in a persons being, which takes many incarnations, one is ready that the gods take you by their hands and lead you to another level of existence. If this would happen before this point, these beings would be a danger to the ray of creation because now they had real powers without the necessary humility not to misuse them.

Mr. “Reality Check” is a good representative of the common American illusion : “We are all born equal” and “You can do it yourself” and of course, he will have many followers. Would be nice if you had at least the courage to reveal your real name Mr Reality Check so we can check who you really are.

For those who are not so much interested in words you might enjoy pictures from my last few weeks of travels: http://www.flickr.com/photos/Iloveyou2/show

To the Sheik: “I am not promoting nor selling spiritual products on my website nor do I think I can find many buyers by promoting on your blog for a healing system that costs over 10 thousand Dollars a piece, so don’t worry, but I hope you are so open to also post this message even so it is quite contrary to the general tone of this site. But believe me I had to pay for this understanding with more suffering than most of you can even imagine”.

"Kiran" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, March 27, 2007:
Hello Girard

(message also send to his personal e-mail if he really does not have the time to read the blog as he states)

It seems you try to be considerate with the confused sheep around you. I would have been grateful if someone had come up to me offering to talk about my confusion when I came back from Egypt two weeks in coma and the death of my dear Cassandra and Daniela. But nobody had the being to ask how it is to face death and RB even gave me a medical leave of absence shortly after this as my presence was to threatening for his feeble presence or that of those around him.

What you say sounds all very reasonable, it sounds similar to what my father told me when I was 18 preparing to leave the house for good. I then had plans that did not go well with his visions so he told me “There are better ways to spend your time and energy” or “I have told you for good reason not to associate with these people”.

But I am sure you will think this analogy is not very appropriate because my fathers advice came from mechanicality and sleep. So of course you are giving these advice from consciousness and with the aim to awake …. So lets look what you might consider more worthy of our time and energy if we have the aim to wake up:

1.To save time, maybe to have some time to write another book on how to wake up
2.To save time to go to another potage brunch and talk about how to wake up with people who listen since years to the same teacher
3.To save time to repeat the sequence without interruption
4.To save time to make some money to go to the next teaching event
5.Tell me if I overlooked one….

I was believing in these proper uses of time in my work towards awakening, as you, for the twenty years prior to this great intervention of the gods in my life. Mainly also because the school or the teacher did not give one definition on what it actually means to be awake but plenty of exercises to get there which now most have become obsolete.

None of the things that you implied in your message is for me or most a desirable aspect of being awake, but as usual you are not defining the aim what it means to be awake and only with this information one could judge if anything you say makes sense.

The events in the last two years have for the first time established a permanent understanding of what it means to be awake, which I can also describe in detail and live on a moment to moment basis. The gods have given me the following expression for this “To be lighthearted in a dynamic labile equilibrium state”.

If anyone or you want to know what “Dynamic labile equilibrium” DLE implies you are welcome to ask anyone at my office to give my CD on the DLE (free of charge!). But in short it is an extension of the concept of “being in the present” which does not allow people who want to follow this principle to get more and more established with house, money, family and opinions and still think and prove that all this goes well together with “being present”.

Ideas, as well as Robert and the school have pointed us in the right direction, have some also moved in this direction and have given others a new set of ideas to sleep on and to feel secure and superior. However for some this was all only a preparation, a protected nest in which one could study certain ideas without having them challenged by the more general forces of life.

After reading your post Loreta commented that it is written in the general tone of the negative half of the King of Heart “Yes its alright, but there is something better” which has become so much the general voice of the FOF based on imitation.

A general remark from me would be that your specific concern about “saving time”, for which you want even to go on record, indicates that you are still on you way to a permanent state “outside of time”.

Some of the people who are posting and reading the blog, are still “In search of the miraculous” and they do not feel that they have found it, just by joining the FOF. And I know those who do not take a definite position of “for or against” of “good or bad” and “right or wrong” are living the DLE and have a chance that eventually the gods take them by their hands and make them experience the DLE in a light-hearted and permanent mode as they have done with me.

And then you can say with Walt Whitman “There will never be anymore heaven or hell than there is now, but if I have to sit for one more hour or ten thousand I sit content.”

I would like to convey how shallow your advice sounds, after you had some solid experience of death but this is not possible, but I would suggest to start asking the important questions before it is too late, rather than advising others on how to read a blog.

Written in an airplane waiting for Take-off”: in South Africa from the land of Apartheid on-route to Brazil, paradise on earth

Kiran

PS: if you want to see some pictures on our recent travels go here: http://www.energy-medicine.info/kiran.html

"Kiran" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, April 6, 2007:
Living the Contradiction

Recently a friend, who is still in the FOF, wrote to me that “I am not interested in the Blog, its just all Is” and I responded to her: “I would have great respect for this level of Separation if it would cover all areas of your live”, which means if she would look with the same level of Detachment at Is that are created when someone scratches her car for example. But certainly this is not the case so I told her “You, as many in the FOF are simply not affected by what is said on the Blog because you either buffer it or more likely simply value the FOF less than your car.

And the same I would say to those who write these nice posts, I have a high respect for you if you approach every aspect in your life with the same circumspection. Even my parents would agree with most, that is stated here and by the way I had no bad relationship with them until they were meeting so many students in the Hospital in Cairo and then investigated the school and after that decided that they did not want to have contact with me anymore, because they found out “That I am following a Sex Guru” as they perceived it.
What these two last years were teaching, only facing Contradiction can change your level of being and to the degree that you do not resent this contradiction you transform it into something completely new and wonderful. This new understanding I formulated in my central idea that it is the “Dynamic Labile Equilibrium” between contradictions that we have to live to be healthy and evolving.

Of course we all, deep down, were realizing this, however unconsciously, that is why we endured all the Contradictions in the fellowship for so many years and to the degree that we could face them without resenting them we gained what we are now.

This way you can understand many thing for example if it is still valuable to be in the FOF now and I can say YES, if you have not built up an elaborate veil of buffers not to see and feel painfully the many contradictions that the gods have built into it…. But how many still have this degree of innocence and did not use time to adjust, justify and feel comfortable after so many years. And importantly pain and suffering does not automatically lead to transformation and change of being, you have to have the right reasons why you want to endure them, so take a look at your third force.

Also there were many comments on Clara’s beautiful and courageous posts for example “Why she did not show this side of her for so many years in the school?” Simply because she, as all of us were trying to play the game, which was only be created to make this incredible number of contradictions possible. Mainly by us trying to be someone that was not our essence, and that is why plays are created in the first place. Now she feels uncomfortable for other reasons and bravely facing the contradiction she evolves to the degree she does not resent it or anyone. Clara please contact me at Kiran@inergetix.com, as Loreta wants to talk to you.
That is also why most people need a teacher because nobody has the will to put himself under so many contradictions, particularly in older age, except he is so fortunate to get the direct attention from the gods that plaster his path with stumbling blocks.

“The stone that the builders refused, I am making the cornerstone”

From Sao Paula leaving for Mexico in the afternoon

Written on the day of Jesus crucifixion, a play more than anyone that shows the value of Contradiction

Kiss

Kiran

Here are some more pictures from our recent days:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iloveyou2/sets/72157600051416126/show/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/iloveyou2/sets/72157600051093241/show

"Comrade" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, April 12, 2007:
To Post 114 (Anonymous),

I’m not sure what you’re trying to say when you criticize Lust for Life with the following comments: “You obviously were not an FOF student. Kiran was one of the most well known, charasmatic and popular students in the school and it doubtful that anyone in the school would not know him unless they never participated in anything and lived under a rock. Stop pretending.”

Are you saying Lust for Life’s status as student or non-student or “active” student somehow makes his/her comments more or less valid? Are you saying that Kiran’s status as “charismatic and popular” within the FOF somehow makes his statements more valid?

It’s not uncommon for people to make such evaluations when someone stands up at a Fellowship meeting, or city council meeting, or at a company meeting, or wherever. When “angles” were still being given at meetings in the FOF, you’d often see people crane their necks when they heard a new voice. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s usually all about identifying the status of the speaker, and then filtering one’s opinion about the “angle” through that supposed status. “Oh, that’s just Joe Blow from the Winery Construction crew,” or “I’ve never heard of this person. Never mind.”

Personally, I find many of Kiran’s comments interesting. When I heard about the accident, I knew him well enough that I sensed something would change in him profoundly, and I felt relatively sure the Fellowship couldn’t hold him much longer. I probably won’t be following his ideas any time soon, but I am impressed with his creativity and passion.

At the same time, I can understand why Lust for Life and others would criticize Kiran after some of his comments in this blog. Like all of us, Kiran is learning and growing through everything he’s experiencing, and sometimes maybe the wrong words come out (and believe me, I am not professing to be anywhere above that).

So in the meantime, one of the reasons this blog “works” is that it’s more about the ideas and less about the status of the person conveying the ideas. That’s one of the beauties of it.

"Kiran" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, April 10, 2007:
Living the contradiction 2 — The nightmare for the FOF King of Hearts

The summary of all the experiences in the last 18 month I can put very simply:
“One evolves to the degree one allows contradictions to exist in ones live, without resenting it.”
and
“If one is not experiencing contradictions anymore one is dead”.
Of course seeing live and its value from this point of view one can see that most people do everything to get rid of contradictions in their live and most are close to killing themselves this way.

In older age people know exactly what to allow into their mind in order not to experience any contradiction, they know with whom to be friends, where to go and what to eat in order not to need to face any contradiction. If it were not for some things that they do not like, but that are biological necessities, like going to the bathroom or paying bills their lives would be complete harmony and they were dead.

This to me is the essence of what it means “to sleep” or on the opposite to “be awake” if one does nothing any longer to avoid “contradictions” as live provides them plentifully, if one is not constantly on the run or closing one’s eyes, but instead lives them without resentment.

Of course living live this way it does not get easier, but more confusing and often quite strenuous. That is why it is amazing to me that there are so many seekers, because taken awakening this way its quite a tough job at times. But usually it is the innocence of people only at the beginning of their search and then again the enormous pull to get contradictions out of ones live gets the upper hand and the way is gradually deviated, as even Gurdjieff showed graphically it is eventually turned into the opposite direction.

We can see that this happened in monastic live at some point when seekers could not face anymore ordinary live while following their faith. This was simply too big a contradiction so they went into the solitude, the dessert, the mountain the cave the monastery.

Religion people, also suffer from the contradictions that seeing other religions creates in them so they either close their eyes, have some mental tapes, like “There are different ways for different people” or even worse “Others are enemies of the true way”.

Seen from this point of view the FOF is not different when Girard basically recommends not to waste one’s time on things like reading the Blog, without even telling us what’s the proper way of using time according to him. The understanding that is missing here, is that facing contradictions, and not getting them out of the way by following one or the other side but silently enduring the pain that they create, is THE way to evolve.

Two month after the accident and 6 weeks after coming out of the coma I was invited by Girard and then Clara for a dinner at their house which was the New Years dinner 2005/2007 [2005/2006?]. This was one of the most unmemorable dinners in my life. It would have been natural for anyone to ask a question in relation to the event in Egypt. For example it would have been easy to give some depth to the conversation by maybe asking “How the experience of death has changed my view of the work” or something related. However there was no mentioning of it and instead we talked I think about dogs (Clare please remind me if I forgot something that had more weight).

In the FOF we have learned over the years a behavior, like in any other sector of life, that would cut out the possibility to experience contradictions and Girard’s advice in respect to the Blog only follow this principle. For most of us, the main thing that attracted us to the fourth way was “That the 4th way occurs in ordinary life”, but Girard and the other ordinary forces in the FOF try to get the contradictions out of the picture and limit it to “The money for the 4th way is made in ordinary life”. Of course another contradiction, at least for those who could look a little deeper, was the fact that Girard was even declared a man no 5.

The same principle of Contradiction-avoidance is the basic and common reason behind so many other things we do although usually we are very clever in finding reasons to justify it. For example if people would use their real names when posting their messages they would usually feel a lot of contradictions and not only from people who know them but also internally. There is the person who is writing who has all this Grief, Anger, Good advice, Compassion and what not, but by using a fictitious name he has found a way to keep those things out of one’s life. The many Is and the compartments that make it impossible to see each other!

These mechanisms in our thinking and acting that get contradictions out of the way are usually praised and valued by all of life that is determined to sleep. In the FOF most of these tactics were ascribed to the King of Hearts and so be sanctified and protected from any questioning. By coincidence, which has become the guiding light on my way, on the desktop of the public computer I am writing this right now, there is a picture of a “King of Heart’s” torn apart by a bullet.

I experience that actually being present comes from a different level, than all this reasoning, but it is this reasoning that makes you understand the purpose of contradiction, not to avoid it and by that to be catapulted into the eternal NOW.

Speaking with Walt Whitman’s words “Older, without my wife, my family and many friends, I thank thee.”

Kisses from Mexico

Kiran

Broken King of Hearts

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iloveyou2/sets/72157600053451538/show/

"the Esoteric Sheik of Inner Confusion" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, April 15, 2007:
Kiran (217): About 3 weeks ago I accused you of advertising your silly spiritual school, here on the blog. I accused you of trying to attract more followers (probably to fund your frequent trips abroad) by leaving links to your website. And… you are at it again. I hope that the ideas and writings you have left here earlier will be enough to make anyone stay as far away from you as possible – am I wrong to believe that you are slowly becoming just another Robert Burton? – a charismatic man with a golden tongue and a greedy disposition. Money money money…

I don’t think that it’s necessarily wrong to leave links to informative sources (there have been many here before), but you simply seem to be marketing your new school. Some of the non-dualists on the blog are similarly guilty, yet I sense a different reason for their actions (I may be wrong).

Kiran, I hope you know what you are doing. There are many gurus in this world, and even more sheep.

"Moon Angel" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, April 15, 2007:
The experience/accident in Egypt he described was considered by FOF to be one the greatest shocks the school ever endured and it created ripple effects throughout the entire FOF community.

"Kiran" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, April 15, 2007:
Living the contradiction 3 — not just enduring it

Living the contradiction is a science and of course there are many ways to miss, otherwise most husbands and wives would be conscious, as marriage is full of contradictions.

There is really no way to get a right relationship to contradictions with your mind alone, because as Albert Einstein formulated: “Problems cannot be solved with the same tool that created them.” And of course it is our emotions, senses and mind that creates contradictions. So to solve contradictions one has to rise to a different level, all else will just be preparation.

It was kind of funny when recently a friend wrote to me that he is seeing most of the contradictions that are discussed on the blog, but he decided to stay in the FOF because he is seeing the value of contradictions and is ready to work with them. It seems I am giving students the material for justifying their stay.

However just as in a marriage “just enduring contradictions” is not enough. External contradictions do nothing until we let them in and have them fight this internal battle. A battle where we do know like Arjuna that they are all our family and we have not to be afraid to kill our own brothers.

To give you an example,… to me the contradictions in the FOF were not invisible for the twenty years prior to the accident. Of course, like many, I saw for example how the students of the inner circle were corrupting things, based on self-interest, fear, lack of understanding and what not. However I had enough immunity to keep those things on the outside and I was even proud of this as I considered it a form of non-identification.

The accident and all that followed ripped me wide open and certainly destroyed this illusion for my benefit. For example I knew that Abraham Goldman, as most lawyers would not hesitate to bend whatever laws in his favor rather than follow some eternal principles.

Still from this place internal strength I called him a friend and even lend him a substantial amount of money. By the way, certainly RB is aware that he is not such a “top notch” lawyer as some sheep are made to believe, but he is knowing the value of contradictions and therefore made him the legal advisor of the FOF.

Anyway his services like his posts on this blog or when RB sends him to get one of his boys from another country, he can deduct from his teaching payment. When I was in Coma in the hospital in Cairo he did not hesitate to follow the suggestion to come to my bed with a contract that would write over my company to the FOF in case I were to die.
However despite I was aware of all that, they could not make me hold a pen for the signature and when I asked him month later why he did this, he answered with his true naivety “That it was only to protect me”.

Now the amazing thing to me was that the events had made me so vulnerable that all this did not bounce of as from my previous mental armory, but penetrated deeply. But also something new and magical had entered my being that did not allow anymore to take the easy way out, in form of anger, judgment, blame, easy justification. This something let me allow to have the love for the FOF and the awareness of these horrible sides coexist side by side.

This as many other events that preceded and followed allowed me to realize that it is Contradictions that are such a “blessing in disguise”, if they fall on a ground that is ready. And although it seemed I was doing the same before the events in Egypt in fact I was then not prepared to let Contradictions enter to the degree. that they truly unleash the battle inside of me.

I know the same is true for many of those who are still in the FOF and for most the longer they are in it, if they do not have drastic events occur in their lives, the more they will create mechanisms to keep the contradictions that are all around them in the external, with justification, sadness, anger.

“Now like a singing air creature, I feel the Rose, pure contradiction, Keep opening” Hafiz

If you want to escape contradiction for a while meet me here: http://flickr.com/photos/iloveyou2/sets/72157600077299794/show/
http://haramararetreat.com/gallery.cfm
If you want to move closer to the source of all the discussed contradictions: http://www.energy-medicine.info/core/kiransresidence.html

"Kiran" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, April 26, 2007:
I like the story (post#194) of the first student of RB, Bonita and to hear that he put her out after she wrote him that he was surrounding himself with “YES-Sayers”. This showed me that he has learned nothing in this respect in the last 35 years in that he still put me out after 20 years for saying NO to him for the first time.
I knew that you were out “If you did not put down your pants” for him, but I did not expect that you were also out if you did not put on one of his strait-jackets.

But even this weakness, I know, was built into his role that for some this would be the sign eventually to move on, as the Negativity of Alex Horn was the sign for RB to leave.

Anyway just as negativity builds your own prison so also this weakness put him in a strait-jacket as it must feel to be surrounded by his inner circle of YES –Sayers like Kevin Brown, Asaf Braverman, Yoad Rowner,Wayne Mott and Linda Tulisso.

But he has his steps to transform as all of us

Kiran

You can e-mail me at Kiran@beingpresent.net

"Kiran" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, April 28, 2007:
Living the Contradiction 5 — between “you cannot do” and “you can do”

The above contradiction is at the basis of the 4th way system and most people have long found a way around it by making an exclusive choice of one or the other. In this Blog also most have completely lost even the possibility to consider the possibility that “they cannot do” that “everything happens”.

Of course the reason for that is that we have been programmed in a western culture, in India or China the other side would certainly be chosen exclusively…. to avoid the contradiction.

I certainly was a “doing machine” before the events in Egypt, but I had to be given a very definite lesson to learn to incorporate the other pole. First for several weeks in Coma I was given the most profound lessen of “you cannot do” because I was aware of all that was going on around my bed, for example the two doctors who walked up and down saying “He probably won’t make it”.

Or when I came out of the Coma and had to so deeply accept the fact that “I cannot do” anything to bring Cassandra back.

But it did not stop there, when I came to ISIS I “could not do” anything to avoid being the focus of so many girls who really were driven to care for this helpless, cute newborn baby that was me. Even Rowena Taylor with whom I had hardly ever talked up to that point, invited me to her home and wanted to convince me that betraying her husband was nothing unusual, as she was doing this since 20 years.

I was really very weak at that time, “just watching and wandering” what would come next and it even became more strange. Shortly after I had refused Rowena’s offers, fate made it happen that Asaf [Asaf Braverman] with his lack of conscience, asked Rowena to investigate my sex-life as apparently she had been the fellowship liaison for sex-issues before and had been in charge to check if boys RB wanted to be with were AIDS free.

So dutifully and certainly without seeing any contradiction she called every girl I had been seen with and interviewed them about their relationship to me. If I had not been so weak at that point I would have gone over to her house and spit in her innocent face. But instead I wrote my first letter to RB narrating the story. A few days later Wayne Mott dutifully called me to tell me that RB had decided to give me a “Medical leave of Absence” as my letter to him was “TOO VULGAR”.

Rowena ! it does not take an Oracle for me to know what kind of Expert you are, you are a wolf in sheep’s clothing and one of the worst results of FOF education, a smiling face that has no scruple to turn around and hurt anyone if you perceive it is to your advantage.

In this respect the status quo was has always been continued by sheep…… what makes it more difficult to see, is because there are different sheep. There is always only a very small percentage of “aggressive sheep” like HC, ”Becareful” or the FOF students behind this, then the larger percentage of “real sheep” the Yes-Sayers and followers of orders, and the “Intellectual sheep” like “Just Observing” that in fact are “Just Judging” and “Just doing mental masturbation” but believe they are so clever and objective. And then there is the largest group of “silent sheep”, which for the most diverse reasons just follow and are silent. For them maybe the word from Rodney Collin might still have some awakening power: “The subtlety of the excuse will not be taken in consideration”.

Certainly if you keep hanging on to this rotten club, you are dumping all your high aspirations with which you started this work.

All these event are a crossroad and these are the moments where “you can do” until soon the gates are closing again and you are back for a long time “where everything just happens” and “you cannot do”.

“Unless the weeds are removed neither plants nor flowers can grow”

Here are some pictures from my flowers last week

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iloveyou2/sets/72157600135447901/show/

Kiran@beingpresent.net

"Loreta" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, April 30, 2007:
If this Harriet Baker (post #8/54), is so irritated about a natural orgasmic relationship based on full pleasure between couple(s). Than maybe she is just reinforcing and buffering the “innocent” orgies, between the Frogs. Please compare in this respect my other post # 211,blog 7 about FOrF “Freud or FROG”.

Anyway I have been together with Kiran for one year now and it has simply been the greatest year of my live. And the many “Higher States” were not only due to all the beautiful sex we had , but because of our new way of approaching all the challenges we are been given and the amazing transformation that occurs daily in his presence.

When I saw all the girls surrounding him after his return from Egypt, I did not yet have a connection with him, and the image that came to my mind was one of voluptuous vultures on an open wound , believing they were acting from the “9 of hearts”. As I perceived, they were more driven by their “G-spot”, I suggested him to invite them all for a group sex party in the style of the FOrF ‘s inner circle, this would have been the test for them all. But it was him who cautioned and said to me “They are not ready”.

For me the “Bakers woman” #54 is a good example of particularly American programming of “disgust towards sex” which is the FOrF basis, expressed in the fact of denial and the contradiction that America has more abused children and internet porn sites, than any other country in the world, beside being one of the leaders on Aids. For me as a Brazilian this is really totally foreign, as we are growing up with a much more natural relationship towards pleasure and sensuality.

The Christian-Jewish program, considers any sex that is not aimed at procreation as “Slimey”. By the way Hindu religion worships the erect phallus! Interestingly she writes “Slimy” as “Slimey” which contains “ME”, Freud would love this.

Maybe there is still too few Prices out there, that most ladies are fighting to become princes themselves and greedily are swallowing the frog …ops …too late

Those of you who are ready to see their relationship to sex just as any other “programming”, as a limitation and obstacle to awakening, I can recommend to do a course with http://www.ecstaticliving.com just as we did a month ago in Mexico and I can tell you this kind of learning is a lot more fun and many Higher states, even without penetration or the kind of mental masturbation which is so common on this Blog “for intellectuals”.

Kiss

loreta@beingpresent.net

below you can see a slide show how Kiran and me worship “the lingam” at a Hindu temple in the Fidji Islands:

http://flickr.com/photos/iloveyou2/sets/72157600160887676/show/

"Kiran" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, May 1, 2007:

May 1, 2007 at 3:23 am It looks the Blog has attracted in Mrs. Baker another “becareful” to demonstrate to those who have ears to hear what some have come down to by being years in the FOF, the gods are organizing a parade of the fools.

This post by Harriet Baker # 54 really has the sophistication of style and the acidity that if seems to be inspired by being a long time FOF student. I do not know any Harriet, nor is she in the FOF directory but probably, its just another veil to keep her innocence. Just like her former name “MsAmerica” which really tells a lot about what she wants to be and her greatest identifications.

The only people in the FOF, I can remember to having asked previously, about group-sex together was coincidently Robert and Rowena T., Marla M. and Frederic Ch., Traci S. and Huib S.,…. So this post must be by either Marla, Traci or Rowena. The only FOF students we ever had sex with in the FOF, were our friend E. and Benjamin Y. who contacted me because he found us on an internet swinger site.

Dear Harriet / Former MsAmerica if you want to prove me wrong, just let us know your “real” name. Hope you were at least invited by Dorian and Mihail to one of their group orgies in RB bedroom… but certainly as a former Miss America this was easy.

Coincidently it was otherwise only Rowena and Robert T., at a dinner together with Cassandra that I proposed something like that. I did it, because even then I knew how fake Rowena was and I actually only wanted to give her a moment to ponder about her attitude. As good students they both took it without even a sign of surprise but politely declined.

Only month later Robert asked me, for a private talk and told me how disgusting this proposal had been for him and that he was worried I would be proposing similar things to new or young students. Now his own wife tried to betray him with me…. do you need any more prove that this is a divine comedy orchestrated by the gods to wake some of us up and put others to sleep.

Kiss

Kiran@beingpresent.net

Here is a video from us celebrating the phallus in an Indian temple in Fiji two month ago

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=466125&fr=yvmtf

"RSVP to Kiran" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, May 10, 2007:
To Kiran, REQUEST FOR CLARIFICATION.

I noticed that when you posted the story of you being in coma in the hospital in Cairo, on page 6, #217 [above], in this blog, you wrote that Abraham Goldman came to your bed with a contract that would write over your company to the Fellowship in case you were to die.

You seem to say this was at the suggestion of Robert Burton or the Fellowship.

You also said you realized all of this at the time but that you could not hold a pen, but this shock penetrated deeply.

I HAVE CHECKED WITH ABRAHAM DIRECTLY AND HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE INCORRECT AND THAT WHAT YOU STATE IS ABSOLUTELY FALSE. MOREOVER, THAT THERE WERE MANY WITNESSES IN THE HOSPITAL ROOM AT ALL TIMES ABRAHAM WAS THERE INCLUDING YOUR FATHER, MOTHER AND SISTER.

YOU NEVER RESPONDED MANY SUBSEQUENT POSTS THAT WERE QUESTIONING YOU FOR MORE DETAIL…

Rabbi Burns (6-233) asked you point blank “Kiran is this really true?” Rabbi states he was shocked and horrified.
Cathie (6-234) called it a “chilling deathbed bequest story, showing how coldly Robert uses people..”

Then Another Name (6-262) asked again, “Are you sure Abraham Goldman tried to get a signature from you? If you are in a coma everybody knows you can not write.” and later, “Is it true? How can you absolutely know that it is true? (When you are in coma?)”

(6-269) You-me-us-they also asks for clarification, seeking to find out what was meant by some of the statements made by you describing the incident. “Hoping you don’t mind coming back to that for clarity.”

There is no doubt that the story shocked a number of readers of this active blog.

For example Lust for Life (6-327) described it as a “betrayal” that “left a very nasty taste in my mouth” and “was one of the factors that helped me to see that RB has no conscience.”

You were even advised (by Anonymous 6-359) to consider to report this conduct to the California State Bar, as it was understood as [Abraham Goldman] “lying to you” and that he “tried to exert undue influence on you” Anonymous states that “Sounds unethical to me.”

KIRAN, YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN FIT TO RESPOND TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS THAT WERE VERY UNDERSTANDABLY FOLLOWING UP ON THE STORY YOU DESCRIBED AND REQUESTING MORE DETAILS.

THE STORY YOU DESCRIBED CLEARLY ACCUSES ABRAHAM GOLDMAN AND ROBERT OR THE FELLOWSHIP OF IMPROPER IF NOT UNETHICAL OR FRAUDULENT CONDUCT.

IT PUZZLES ME WHY YOU, ONE OF THE MORE FREQUENT POSTERS ON THIS BLOG, HAVE SIMPLY NOT RESPONDED.
I AM TRYING AGAIN.

PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED AT THE HOSPITAL, HOW YOU KNEW WHAT THE DOCUMENT SAID, WHO WAS THE “THEY” THAT TRIED TO MAKE YOU SIGN OVER YOUR COMPANY AND HOW YOU KNOW THAT THIS WAS AT THE REQUEST OF ROBERT OR THE FELLOWSHIP.

IN THE INTEREST OF FAIRNESS TO ALL INVOLVED, A TRUTHFUL RESPONSE WOULD BE APPRECIATED. IF YOU DO NOT RESPOND, WE WILL JUST HAVE TO ASSUME THAT THERE IS NO TRUTH TO YOUR STORY AS TOLD AND THAT YOU SIMPLY INTENDED TO DEFAME AND GAIN ADDITIONAL SYMPATHY FROM THE TRAGIC AFTERMATH OF THE ACCIDENT YOU, YOUR WIFE AND DANIELLA WERE INVOLVED IN. [ed. - Why would we have to assume this?]

THANK YOU!

RSVP

"Cathie" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, May 12, 2007:
May 12, 2007 at 4:50 am I have no way of knowing if Kiran’s story about being approached on his “deathbed” by Abraham Goldman is true. When I read it, it didn’t seem that far-fetched, based on other stories that have been told about Robert’s contacts–often through an intermediary–with some dying students over the years, at least one of which (the Sharole Mannering cameo reclamation) is well documented.

I don’t know Kiran personally, but I did know Robert Burton and Abraham Goldman. I wasn’t surprised by Kiran’s story, as it didn’t seem uncharacteristic of either Robert or Abraham.

RSVP’s screaming post raises some interesting questions. It admits that Goldman did visit Kiran in the hospital in Cairo, since it asserts that “at all times” during the visit, Kiran’s family members were there.

Why did Goldman visit Kiran in the hospital? It seems reasonable to suppose that he was there in some official Fellowship capacity. Perhaps he was concerned about the possible liability of the Fellowship for the injuries sustained by Kiran and the deaths of his wife and friend. If I recall correctly, Kiran and the two women were traveling at Robert’s request, to investigate opening a center in Egypt.

This is quite speculative on my part, but what if Goldman was there to obtain a release of liability from Kiran, or failing that, to obtain a beneficial interest for the Fellowship in Kiran’s estate, should he die as a result of his injuries? It seems entirely plausible to me. [ed. - There are reports of other occasions when the Fellowship attempted to gain control of the estates of members who have passed.]

Then again, this is a situation loaded with “plausible deniability” on the part of Goldman and the FOF. It really comes down to Kiran’s word vs. Goldman’s. Tough call. Kiran was nearly comatose, undoubtedly heavily drugged. Who knows what happened, or what he thought happened? On the other hand, Goldman is a lawyer. Enough said.

As was the case with lawsuits filed against it in the past, the Fellowship’s defensive strategy is based on unequivocal denial, coupled with intimidation. We are seeing more of the same here.

"Vinnie the Fish" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, June 4, 2007:
Funny I saw this from Kiran:

“Also there were many comments on Clara’s beautiful and courageous posts for example “Why she did not show this side of her for so many years in the school?” Simply because she, as all of us were trying to play the game, which was only be created to make this incredible number of contradictions possible.”

Funny, when Kiran was called Ulrich he visited my centre in the early 90s and pointed out that people changed when they sat down for the meeting. He said there is no need to act any different. It stuck with me, so I for one have never “played the game”, but instead try hard to “be myself”.

Maybe that’s the ‘brainwashing’ people undergo, a semi-voluntary imitation of others’ posture, facial expression, words and phrases (‘in a way’, ‘for myself’, ‘a certain…’, ‘incredible’, ‘a taste of..’), and then probably extends into the emotional and intellectual centres too. I often hear students with a ‘standard’ voice, for men the softly stoned Colin Lambert drawl, and for women a crisper and more business-like tone.

Kiran I hear you didn’t pay Huib and Tracy [Fellowship members] who set up your very successful business and website, not good karma for a hopeful New Age guru! Does your Inergator product zap your conscience or did the Fof do that, or the coma? Or is that just ‘bearing contradictions’?

"Panorea" wrote on the Fellowship of Friends Discussion blog, August 12, 2011:
I still remember that horrible meeting in Egypt after the fatal car accident. He [Robert Burton] exploited the deaths of the two ladies. Meeting after meeting, nonsense after nonsense, spreading fear and doom scenarios. His techniques work.

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